i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
