so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
