remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
