Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
