I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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