My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
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I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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