That's when you crack a 10am beer
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
