It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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