I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
