you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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