bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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