STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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