I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
