somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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