Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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