you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
