Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
