when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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