i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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