Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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