I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
