you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
