It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
