i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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