wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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