Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
