Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
