I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
