Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize