i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
