I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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