if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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