Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
