but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
