Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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