Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Houston, we have a squirter
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
