If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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