At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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