actually, I'm a sock model
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
