he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
