drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
