I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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