okay pat passed out under dana's car
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
