i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
