Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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