What a fucking waste of an outfit
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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