Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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