so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
