The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
