I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
