All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
