this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
this will be a night to untag.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
