i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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