Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
