omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
