I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
