can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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