fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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