is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
