Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
