who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
