My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
