It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
