Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
