Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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