do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
