i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
