I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
