my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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