Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
